I don't easily share my sadness, my vulnerability. Since childhood I developed this inner belief that it is my job to make everyone else feel calm, to alleviate other's sorrow so I strive to bring light, almost like it was my job.
But no one can go on sharing only light, while allowing their dark to fill the spaces left behind. What's that mean?
I guess it just means that I am feeling sad, emotional and crying a few tears today. I really don't like to share this, but I think someone else must need it, so I will.
My sadness is in part because I am an empath. I feel others feelings. Always have. But that's not it.
My sadness and frustration come from things in my personal life that are hard to deal with and from things I see in the world.
A girlfriend who is truly struggling as a mother. The children's faces, NO THE BABY'S faces I see in Palestine who are feeling so much grief because Israel is attacking them relentlessly. And the people in India overwhelmed by the tsunami of lost loved ones due to covid.
It's just so much. It overwhelms me sometimes. Today my feelings got too big and I couldn't do anything to free myself from them. Nothing worked. None of my old strategies for switching up and out of it. So I just sat...and cried...and wrote a letter to God about how I was feeling.
I don't have a perfectly positive answer. I only have this. The response from God. I share it bc I hope that if you are having a difficult time with emotions, that this will calm your soul, like it did mine.
What God said.......
You are sad bc I have given you a heart of love. Others do not share your compassion. They may post, but they don’t sit at home and cry. Even that is an offering. To say I stand with my people. Across a desert, across a sea. In a different region who I have never met.
There are so many different ways of helping. Sometimes helping is simply making it thru a day to fight again or to love again the next day.
If you are sad, don’t rush to wash it away. Instead let the tears cleanse and let it wash away gradually the feelings you hold in your heart. They came about bc you shared your focus with the pain of another, thus alleviating just a bit of theirs by acknowledging humanity.
We know you are tired. More tired than you have been in a while. Just know that you are incredibly loved and every tear you cry is noted. I know your secret sadness. The feelings you don’t let anyone see, that dull pain that rides along with you each day.
I see you. I feel and hear every cry. Every tear. My love for you is extraordinary. It knows no bounds. My love for humanity is the same. I will not fail you. I will not fail you.
Look for me in the light of your day. The light on a blade of grass as it reflects color. The laugh of 1 friend. The peace found in listening to 1 podcast. It does not all need to be done today. Do your best. As it is. Small. In the tiniest of ways. That is enough.
I am with you. I love you. I am here.